Hello, hello? Does anybody out there even read blogs anymore?
It’s been a minute since I’ve been here. And what a busy minute it’s been. I recently (finally) graduated. That means I successfully defended my thesis project. And that means I successfully completed a manuscript (yikes!). The last half-year was especially hectic with grading and writing and revising and socializing and working and working and working. It was a blur.
My life was whirring at such a high speed for such a long time that now that it’s stopped and I have the opportunity to stand still I feel… weird.
And I don’t know if it’s Mercury retrograde or my Saturn Return or Eclipse Season or just the stress of existing as an adult woman, but this past week has been especially… weird. Emotions are running high. It doesn’t matter why. Whatever is going on, I’ve been forced to reflect on the things in my life that aren’t working for me (and the things in my life that are) and reevaluate and adjust and change.
Ugh, change. Anyone who knows me knows I’m bad with it. I scare easy. I’m a Pisces, the fish, after all. Tap on my glass and I’ll flish-flash away.
Now, what I want to do is curl up in bed and eat dill pickle chips until my belly bursts. And, I mean, I did do that (for a little while). I threw myself a teeny-tiny pity party. I cuddled up with my raggedy-teddy Bob. I watched The Mummy (and started watching the sequel, too).
But then, after Brendan Fraser’s character rescues Rachel Weisz and they kiss and then Rachel Weisz’s character tries to kiss a camel and then they all trit-trot off into the sunset, I decided that maybe I could trit-trot off into my own sunset. I mean, if that motley crew of idiots can kill TWO mummys (sorry for the spoiler) and escape a rapidly collapsing pyramid (tomb?), I can get out of my depression nest and function.
After all, look at how far I’ve come. I escaped an emotionally abusive relationship. I moved to a brand new city and built a life from the ground up. I formed rock-solid friendships with rock-solid people. I finally acknowledged I was severely depressed and sought help. I got a job. I became self-sufficient. I learned how to cook (and although I am terrified to make food for other people, I feed myself pretty good on a semi-regular basis). I wrote a book. It may never get published, but it exists. I joined a gym. I stopped wearing stretchy pants 24/7 (not that there is anything wrong with that, but fitting into Levi’s was a personal goal). I’ve become closer to both of my parents and my siblings.
So whatever the heck it is that’s going on now… I can get through that too.