summer of sarah

I’m a pretty selfless person.

I’m not just saying that to pump my own tires… that’s actually a pretty tough thing for me to admit (which is how you know it’s true). I will also admit to being occasionally self-involved, but, hey, I’m not without my flaws.

Anyway. Back to that bit about selflessness.

I’m a pretty selfless person. I like to do things for peoplelove to help. When someone needs me, I get this sense of personal accomplishment. It’s a good thing, obviously (it’s a little fucked up, but mostly good). Like, helping people isn’t bad. But… what if I spend so much time helping others that I forget to help myself?

Yeah. I’m one of those people.

Now, I’m not saying that I’m gonna start cashing in on past favours because that’s not how life works. I help people because I enjoy helping people; it makes me feel good about myself to be needed. However, what I am going to do is a) set up boundaries (I think I have a tendency to get taken advantage of) and b) put some energy back into myself.

Hey me, remember me?

This is the perfect time for me to focus on, well, Me. I’m recently graduated, I’m in between jobs, and, frankly, I really don’t have anything better to do. I can actually put myself at the centre of my universe and not even feel bad about it (maybe).

It’s going to be a bit of a learning curve because I have no idea how to put myself first. I mean, I set some goals for myself (write every day, eat normal meals, and exercise regularly) which is probably a good start. But now comes time for the follow through (at which I am notoriously bad).

Sigh.

It’s mostly a confidence thing–I’ve never thought I was actually worth it. And I also never thought people would like me unless I had something to offer. I’m not rich. I’m not hot. So I thought, I’ll be a sickeningly nice pushover. Everybody needs one of those.

It’s gonna be hard, treating myself right. But it will be worth it. It’s about time I show myself the same love I show everybody else.