And it all came crashing down.

My computer crashed. Moments before submitting what would’ve been the last essay of my undergraduate degree, my poor old MacBook Pro crapped out on me.

I was putting page numbers on (which I am never doing again, just an FYI) and she just quit. She stopped working. Caput. So, I did what anybody who has absolutely no idea what she’s doing would do–I forced a restart. And the next thing I knew I was staring at a flashing question mark and having a panic attack.

I took her to the Apple Store, and even though the boys in blue explained to me (in great detail) what went wrong, I still have no idea what happened. All I know is that I’ve got my baby girl back and despite some short-term memory loss (back your files up, people. Back them up right now) she’s as good as new.

She might be too good, actually. And it’s not just that she thinks it’s March 24, 2016 (my last backup–I don’t want to talk about it). They gave her a good cleaning and I almost don’t recognize her anymore.  Her keyboard lacks the familiar stickiness and the crumbs lodged between her keys are gone. Even though I know she’s her, something still feels off. It’s weird how things change slightly and even though they are technically the same… they’re not. A minor change sometimes creates more distance than a big one.

We might not be talking about hard drives anymore.

Things change. That’s a fact. And people adapt. I’m coming up to a time in my life where everything is going to shift (I’m moving to Victoria, blah blah blah, it’s all very dramatic) and I’m okay with that (kind of). But what’s getting under my skin right now is the tiny slivers of change.

It’s not switching jobs, or graduating school (hopefully), or… anything like that. It’s that I feel disconnected from people who used to be my people. There was no falling out. There was no screaming match. There was no passive-aggressive showdown. There was no earth-shattering fight. There was just a gradual shift, followed by a gradual shift, followed by another gradual shift, and now I’m sitting on an island, alone.

I guess that’s good practice for when I’m actually alone on an island, but I still think I’d rather park that feeling for sometime late-August.

Anyway, one more reminder if you haven’t backed up your files, please back up your files. You don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone–trust me.

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